My anxiety began when I was bullied at primary school. I didn’t know what to do; I felt so lost, lonely and scared. I longed for friends, but I struggled to connect with anyone. Then I met Matilda.
The moment I opened Roald Dahl’s book, I thought, "At last!" My shoulders dropped. I escaped the horrors of my head and entered a completely different world. I loved the mix of the familiar and the strange. I saw parts of myself in Matilda and I was inspired by the way she responded to the challenges in her life. She knew how to overcome bullies.
Anxiety is still a frequent visitor but, over the years, I’ve learned that picking up a book is the most effective way of easing it. Reading puts me back in my body, while allowing me to escape the worst of my brain. These books are the ones I’ve returned to during my darkest and most difficult moments. They always help.
The Book Of Delights by Ross Gay
I keep this book on my bedside table so that I can reach for it if I wake up feeling anxious. Gay, an American poet and essayist, has collected a series of observations about moments of connection and joy. We see the world through his eyes as he spots bright flowers blooming on city streets, hears a few bars of a favourite song drifting from someone else’s car radio and revels in the sweetness of unexpected small talk with strangers. Gay’s pursuit of joy feels defiant and radical, a way of exercising a series of tiny rebellions when everything seems bleak. Yes, the world can be painful and challenging, but it’s also filled with kindness, beauty and magic – and Gay reminds us to keep looking for it.
How To Feel Better by Cathy Rentzenbrink
When my anxiety is peaking, I find myself too overwhelmed to access the part of my brain where I keep the safety instructions. Rentzenbrink has written down these instructions beautifully; her guide is warm, wise and easy to read. She’s such a generous and tender author. On the page, she promises that pain and fear may feel eternal, but the clouds will part and the feelings won’t last for ever – and I believe her. This is the book I go back to when I’m on my knees, figuratively and literally. More than once, it’s given me the strength to do the healing things that feel impossible, such as roasting a chicken or running a bath.
The Girl With The Louding Voice by Abi Daré
Sometimes, anxiety-wise, we need to fight fire with fire. If you think you have it bad, you’ll realise you have nothing to worry about compared with Daré’s heroine, Adunni. At 14, her father forces her to be the third wife of a violent man. She runs away to Lagos, where she finds a job as a servant – but she’s mistreated and kept as a slave. How could this story possibly ease anxiety? Because Adunni is loveable and brave. She’s often frightened, but she grows in courage as she finds ways to achieve the impossible. This is a gorgeous, hopeful novel with a happy ending. Every time I pick it up, I’m filled with gratitude for the things I take for granted. I’m also excited by the fact that change is possible. We have so much more power than we know and we can use it to help girls and women like Adunni.
The Pursuit Of Love by Nancy Mitford
This is an old favourite. Set shortly before the outbreak of the Second World War, it’s about the aristocratic, eccentric Linda Radlett and her family. Her father menaces his neighbours and shouts at everyone, while Linda dreams of romance and escape and embarks upon a series of ill-conceived attempts at happilyever-after, moving from marriage to marriage, to her family’s consternation. When I was younger, I found comfort in the similarities between Linda and me – the yearning for romance, the draughty old house, the huge, mad family – but the older I get, the more I see that it’s about living as well as you can against a backdrop of anxiety, as personal and global catastrophes unfold.
Rachel's Holiday by Marian Keyes
Keyes’ novels have held me in my darkest moments and Rachel’s Holiday is my favourite. We get to know Rachel as she gets to know herself and she realises that her truth is not what she believes it to be. In rehab, she’s forced to face up to being a drug addict, but drug use is a symptom of problems caused by anxiety and low selfesteem. Even when Rachel is behaving appallingly, we love her – and every time I read this, I’m able to find some love and forgiveness for myself and let go of some old shame. This book changed my life; it inspired me to get sober, and for me, life without alcohol is a life with much less anxiety.
Read Yourself Happy: How to Use Books to Ease Your Anxiety by Daisy Buchanan is published by DK RED, out 6 February
