When I was a new mom trying to make parent friends, adults had a way of asking sneaky little questions to figure out who was on their parenting wavelength. Do you co-sleep? Did you do cry-it-out? Are you baby-wearing or formula feeding?
Today, they may as well just come out and ask: Are you a silky mom, a crunchy mom or a scrunchie mom?
This new lingo describes three different approaches to parenting that are making the rounds online. But what do these terms actually mean? Here's how to figure out which type of mom you are — and if parents really need all these cutesy labels.
What Is a Silky Mom?
In short, a silky mom is someone who’s willing to make parenting a little easier on herself. “The 'silky' parent opts for ease and flexibility, in an attempt to avoid rigidity and/or burnout,” says Shay Thomas, DMFT, LMFT, a family therapist based in Atlanta. “They appreciate modern medicine and technology.”
That means silky moms are comfortable with choices like having an epidural during birth and doling out acetaminophen or ibuprofen to their kids once they're old enough. They’re relaxed about schedules and screen time, don’t make every meal from scratch and have no problem buying toys and clothes featuring licensed characters.
What Is a Crunchy Mom or a Scrunchie Mom?
In many ways, being a silky mom is defined by what it isn’t — namely, a crunchy mom. “The 'crunchy' parent may have health concerns and/or value a holistic approach — hence, their intent in being restrictive and selective is [an attempt to] protect their child from toxins and medical trauma,” Dr. Thomas explains. Crunchy moms are more likely to stick to wooden or Montessori toys, home-cooked meals and have stricter rules around things like screen time.
And then there are those who fall somewhere in the middle: the "scrunchie" moms — a little bit silky, a little bit crunchy. "The scrunchie parent, seeing the value of all sides, does not feel the need to pick just one," Dr. Thomas explains. "Like the elastic band used for hair, the scrunchie is gentle and prevents breakage, yet strong enough to hold things in place."
But whether you're silky, crunchy or scrunchie, there’s one important thing to keep in mind: These labels are tossed around easily on social media, but they aren't true parenting styles.
"It's important to remember that these terms originated from pop culture, not mental health professionals," Dr. Thomas says. "They emphasize the doing of parenting more than the being. What are the implications of these labels and decisions? How do you love and nurture your children? Consider reflecting on attachment-related parenting concepts such as security, along with parenting style and patterns of interaction like roles, rules, boundaries and communication style. Remember to prioritize health and relationships in real life over labels and hashtags."
Do Parents Really Need All These Labels?
No one really needs to choose a "team" or stick to one kind of parenting all the time. Different situations might call for different approaches, and parents often have to adjust as their kids grow and change.
So why all the twee terms? Dr. Thomas says it’s about connection. "Parents choosing to define themselves by certain terms are often seeking a sense of identity, belonging and validation," she explains.
And it’s not just moms who get labeled. Dr. Thomas points out that dads are often sorted into categories like "workaholic dad," "sports dad" or "hipster dad," and that other groups — like single parents — also face certain biases. "Reframing parenting as a relational endeavor helps dismantle harmful public perceptions, lessen the weight of labels and promote more meaningful conversations about impact and well-being," she says.
So maybe next time one of these labels pops up on social media, we can all take a step back — and find deeper, more meaningful ways to connect with like-minded parents.
Marisa (she/her) has covered all things parenting, from the postpartum period through the empty nest, for Good Housekeeping since 2018; previously, she wrote about parents and families at Parents and Working Mother. She lives with her toy-collecting husband and daughter in Brooklyn, where she can be found helping out her team at bar trivia or posting about movies on Twitter and Bluesky.
