I’ll never forget the moment I saw the faint pink line on my pregnancy test. I ran to my local chemist and thrust the test at my pharmacist, asking if I could be a little bit pregnant. When she laughed and said I was 100% pregnant, I danced with joy. At 51, I’d all but given up on my dream of becoming a mother.
When my daughter Sadie was born nine months later, my partner Pete laid her on my chest, and I felt as though I’d been given the most precious gift: motherhood. 11 years on, it’s continued to be fascinating, fulfilling and joyous.
So, when I heard the news that writer and TV presenter Victoria Coren Mitchell was joining the band of mothers who’ve had a baby over the age of 50, I was thrilled for her.
It wasn’t a choice for me to have a baby so late in life. While I’d often imagined I’d meet someone and have children, I spent my 20s building a career in TV. Then, when my friends and siblings were getting married and having babies in their 30s, I was recovering mentally and physically from a near fatal car crash.
I was 41 when I met Pete, a business consultant who’s eight years younger than me. While my biological clock was ticking loudly, his wasn’t. It was only when Pete was 36 – and I was 44 – that he was also ready to try for a baby.
There followed two devastating miscarriages and four unsuccessful rounds of IVF. Each time, a surge of hope was followed by bone crushing disappointment when it failed. After a while, I forced myself to accept I’d never have children and we put a pause on trying. It was Pete who wanted to give it one last attempt; we went to a clinic in Spain and a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with Sadie.
Friends, family and colleagues were all delighted for me. I worked throughout my pregnancy and felt great, bar acid reflux. But I was very aware of my age. I decided against joining my local NCT (National Childbirth Trust) group, in part because I felt I’d have little in common with the younger mums taking part. When it came to the birth, doctors suggested a c-section would be safest because of my age.
When Sadie was born in October 2012, I took to motherhood immediately. My mother’s birth gift to me was a wonderful doula who guided us through the first few weeks, visiting regularly. She told me the key was to trust my instincts! I stuck to her advice.
It’s hard to know if parenthood would have been easier if I’d done it earlier. I was certainly tired, but so are most new mothers. I’ve had very few ageist remarks – although a stranger did once ask if I was Sadie’s grandmother.
A huge advantage of not parenting in my 30s is that I don’t feel I’ve missed out on my career. I’ve put in the hard work – now I’m able to prioritise and choose projects that work around Sadie. Pete and I have our own home in Highgate in north London and we’re settled. Admittedly, I can’t afford to retire any time soon, but I love my job and I think I’d still choose to work, even without Sadie.
There are some disadvantages to being an older mum. My friends are all at a different life stage to me. While they’re becoming grandparents, retiring, and going travelling, I’m still in school term time routines. I resent it when I’m queuing in a packed airport, paying a fortune for a holiday in August, while my friends can wait until October and enjoy empty beaches and cheaper prices!
As I get older, I’m becoming more conscious of my health. Now, at 62, I’m physically fit. I exercise, rarely drink and eat healthily. But a recent fall made me conscious that if I’d broken a bone, it would take longer to heal. Rest isn’t an option: I have to be physically able in order to be there for Sadie.
The obvious question is how long I’ll be around for. But no one knows what the future holds, regardless of age. Tragically, some mothers die in their 20s. Hopefully I’ve got my mother’s genes – she’s 92 and still energetic. My grandmother also lived until 106.
Sadie is a wonderful force of nature and I’ve appreciated every part of motherhood. I wanted a baby for so long that being a parent has a heightened value. I loved the baby years, and now in my 60s I love going shopping with my gorgeous tween and sitting in cafes with her, setting the world to rights.
I wouldn’t advise anyone to actively wait until their 50s to become a mother. It’s much harder to fall pregnant and if circumstances hadn’t conspired against me, I’d have done it sooner.
But, as Sadie said to me the other day, “An old mum can do anything that a young mum can do.” I hope to carry on proving her right.
